~ after careful consideration, we at the angry red planet have decided: if there is an unprovoked military strike iraq before november, we will cast our votes in the upcoming election against any incumbent candidate in any office regardless of their position on the action. if they support it, then the vote against them is for obvious reasons; if they oppose the action, then the vote is against their empirically evident torpidity and complacency. if the strike comes after november, then we will be sure to remember to vote against incumbents in the following election.

however, since our standard policy is to vote against all incumbents regardless of circumstances, we wonder how much the revelation of our decision will affect the industrial military strategy.

~ yoda means even more to west harlem than we originally suspected. he has a candle shrine behind the bus stop in front of c-town, a candle-and-poster shrine in front of papa john’s, and a candle-champagne-alize shrine in front of the 112th street liquor store.

~ to those who proclaim the adage that humans are the only animals who will eat rotten food, rest assured that we will maintain this prestige, for our agents stand ready to devour a dinner of two snowball-resembling oranges with vigor. “puny humans!” -the hulk

~ in the yard of an 8th avenue tenement, the name of the jedi master yoda is spelled with flowers. taped to the corner of the derelict building at 118th and manhattan avenue, a 24″x36″ sheet of poster board – endorsed in sharpie by all of his ‘homies’ – implores yoda to ‘r.i.p.’. be sure to pour some beverage on the pavement for the little green master.

~ first the rasterweb gallery, now icki of sty! fame has updated the web edition of his action! photo zine [w] with some pretty hot locations. maybe someday our graves will be in his album.

~ as our readers are aware, this is not a blog. nonetheless, we are implementing a ‘comment’ system, if for no other reason than to firmly establish that no one is interested in reading or responding to our routine news missives.

~ put these people on the list:

the persons who write ‘wrap my head around…’ in the daily npr script.

anyone who claims a food or beverage to be the ‘nectar of the gods’.

for that matter, anyone who thinks that wit is nurtured – rather than diminished – by repetition.

~

“you know how it feels when you don’t want to take the mercedes to the party – you just take the other car? that’s how i feel today.”

 
no. but we do know what it feels like to pick up a bag covered with sesame seeds that turn out to be maggots. and we know what it feels like save 20 cents by eating a box of krasdale [w] frozen okra that contains nothing but the stems. and we know what it feels like to wear an $4 tie from k-mart while cutting open a trash bag on the street to extract a book that might fetch 95 cents on half.com. is this anything like choosing the car that isn’t the mercedes?

~ today, inexplicably, for the first time, we discerned that the lyrics are “..bugs in the software flash the message ‘something’s out there’…”.

~ javits center quotes:
 
“you look really cute in those glasses”
“oh, well thank you. have a good day”
 
“i hope you’re not an american. you should be ashamed.”
“ok. have a good day.”

~ as if we weren’t envious enough of his knug foo! abilities and his canoe ownership, now rasterboy has to dangle the lovely sights of his drive to work in front of our faces. someone should tell him that he needs a gallery for his computers, as well

~ we are working on a format that will present an ongoing catalogue of people whom we bitterly loathe. while we do not currently call for the destruction of these people, they do deserve all of our and our reader’s disrespect. until our database is complete, you, our noble patrons, will have to work with a partial list:

the postal worker who folds a new hardback book in half to stuff it into a mailbox, ruining it.

anyone who touches a comic book in the store without the pre-determined intention of buying it.

kazaa-lite cretins who misleadingly name their ‘harry potter’ avi files as ‘dirty harry’.

the ass who does not know the distinction between a trade paperback and a graphic novel.

the french who, as of yet, have not given us our award.

~ if you pull your taxi to the side of riverside drive to piss into a gatorade bottle, our agents will spot you.

~ if you copulate on the slopes of morningside park, our agents will find you.

~ if you shoplift at westside market, our agents will ignore you.