~ well, our local ‘worker owned’ bike shop has screwed us again; spring 2009 is ruined!

~ ha! finally the losers searching for nude muslim men have been overrun by those suckers who came here looking for pirate snipers. we reckon that most internet browsers want to see photos of snipers shooting at pirate ships, but we imagine that muslim men’s naked bodies look a lot like xians’ and jews’. anyway, we hope you all find what you need!

~

“Our prayers have been answered on this Easter Sunday,” [some guy regarding the rescue of that captain kidnapped by pirates]

it would have ruined the element of surprise, but the navy should have flipped on their loudspeaker and told the pirates, ‘hey, easter is coming up in a couple of days, and americans fucking love feel good stories on religious and commercial holidays. they eat that shit up. it shores their beliefs that there is an order the universe follows. so unless you want to give up now, we are going to snipe you on easter sunday, for america.’

~

again, we can’t bitch about the lack of narrative information in this film poster, as this banal specimen adequately represents how boring and subversively creepy the movie must be. we mainly wanted to direct your attention to the awful production quality of the trailer; this piece looks so crummy and vacuous, one would almost feel sorry for the kids whose sappy parents make them sit through it, if one was not consumed with frustrated rage:

(more…)

~ in the dark days of our ‘lost months’ abroad last year, we tried to explain to our host how the united states was ‘better’ than sweden. news from the horn of africa sums it up more vividly than bickering over the cleanliness of local buses:

The first pirate attack in more than 200 years against a U.S.-flagged vessel off Africa led to a tense standoff Wednesday after a crew of Americans retook control of the ship and the hijackers fled into a lifeboat.

if it had been a swedish-flagged ship, they would have given the pirates amnesty and free condos in stockholm. fact.

~ in the tradition of warning our american readers away from awful experiences: unless it is midnight, and you have to visit a chain store, or you are on a road trip, perhaps to florida, you won’t be forced to make do with ‘deli’ hummus, but when it happens, stay the fuck away from ‘athenos neo classic’ hummus; we were drawn in by the awesome name, before the first bite induced a gag reflex. it is the worst food we have tasted since sampling salted licorice (in sweden). terrible. try to find sabra’s hummus or the one that has a photo of brooklyn on the label.