~

bullshit.

~ if there are any vegans left after reading our late lamentations over missing quality vegan junk foods, they might find themselves picking up cases of soy protein powder at pic ‘n’ save for pennies on the dollar without knowing what to do with it. we’ve done the research and can warn the reader to avoid mixing the powder with the following drinks/foods:
soy milk
oatmeal
‘vitamin water 10’
greens (turnip, collards, etc)
coffee
‘holly nog’
brown rice
‘marmite’
peanut butter.

low budget soy protein only works with equally crummy ‘organic water plus’. if your lifestyle is so fancy as to include orange juice, that works as well.

~ question:

I was at a double-century cycling event this weekend, and a rival noticed that I was packing Larabars into my kit. He informed me that the Larabars are engineered for the body of a woman (I am a male). Afraid of the effects that the bars would have on my body during the ride, I tossed the bars onto the nearest food table and rode away hungry. Are there adverse effects on the male physiology caused by a Larabar?

answer:

Dear Valued Consumer:

Thank you for contacting Lärabar with your inquiry. Lärabar’s are made of no more than 8 ingredients for both women AND men to enjoy. Please visit www.larabar.com for more information about our natural bars.

We hope you find this information helpful. Please let us know if we can help you again.

Sincerely,

Lori Quinn
Consumer Services

~ probably the coolest idea you’ll hear all week:

He has described the show as “Deadwood meets The Sopranos in space”

becomes the most ridiculous when you learn that the ‘he’ is george lucas, the guy who put prairie dog reaction shots in an indiana jones movie, and that ‘the show’ is a ‘star wars’ (the space opera films with fart jokes and an 8 year old darth vader yelling ‘yippee!’) television series. you have to wonder if the guy has hbo delivering some expurgated versions of their series to his ranch; are we really expected to believe that the same guy who edited out han’s murder of greedo and crafted such dialog as ‘you-sa in big doo-doo dis time!’ is truly inspired by beheadings, the use of ‘cunt’ in polite conversation, eye gougings, prostitutes, and anything that comes out of al swearengen’s mouth? we don’t have to know what ‘the jonas brothers’ are to guess that lucas’s show will have more in common with them than with trixie the whore.

~ happy independence day!

One travels more usefully when alone, because he reflects more. -Thomas Jefferson