~ open letter to george w bush:

while you were hanging out at camp david this weekend, at least – and at only the latest count – sixteen (16) of our marines and soldiers were killed and five (5) more captured. we are really sure that the parents and loved ones of these men and women are quite touched to hear a man in a suit and tie who sent those young folks to meet their doom
had time to stop in his walk from his helicopter to his mansion to promise that he and his wife prayed for the marines’ lives just earlier that morning. if praying is somehow going to keep these people safe, we recommend that, next time, you do the praying before they are shot or maimed.

regardless of whether there is any sincerity at all behind your crocodile tears, though we can not recall you having even shed those, don’t you have anyone at all at your office who can tell you that at least you can give the impression of being concerned about the situation? assuredly, neither you nor your cronies give a tinker’s cuss for the lives of anyone, american, iraqi, or otherwise, but for the sake of business – ie, keeping the public interested in the war until it turns a profit – could you not imagine that it would be necessary to go through the motions by at least sitting at your desk for a few hours?

we are sure that other, greater presidents, have left the office for the weekend; for example franklin d roosevelt, headed to warm springs, georgia, or to the hudson valley more than once during the years that the united states was embroiled in warfare with the first, true axis. however, fdr seemed to have the decency to at least postpone his trips until after the first weekend of the war that he declared (actually, congress declared that war, but that is another constitutional matter that you would find confusing). we are pretty sure that you had your handlers – advisors? – with you the entire time, and we have seen pictures that verify – to the extent that a photograph can verify – that there is a phone at camp david, so we know that it is a possible for one to have a working weekend while there.

nevertheless, do you think that there is anything more that you could have done to demonstrate that you do not take this shit seriously at all? we rednecks at the angry red planet are unwavering in our opposition to this unjust war, and we seem to be more worried about the safety of the american men and women than does your administration. the angry red planet does not give a damn who supports the war, but to stand in front of the nation after a weekend of cocaine and blow jobs at camp david and expect us to swallow the shit that you drop concerning your sympathy for the troops and their families is more than we can stomach, you smug, disrespectful simpleton. you have no more idea about the meaning of ‘pro patria’ than did young hoheimer; we all anxiously await the day that you cross your own, personal missionary ridge.

sincerely,

the angry red planet

ps. to all the hollywood folks who are not walking on your usual red carpet tonight: that’s very touching.

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