~ we were pretty relieved when the danger status was turned down to yellow this week, but the recent headlines from the cote d’ivoire have left us feeling unsure of our protectors at the pentagon: “French troops save American children held in Ivory Coast”. We understand that the USMC was busy ‘training’ in djibouti, and the USN was occupied with that los angeleno stranded off costa rica, but weren’t there just a few members of delta force who are not in a north carolina prison for killing their wives to whom you could have loaded onto some john deeres? at least, suffer us not the humiliation of having french troops save american consumers in manhattan.

~ parents of west harlem: please inform your inarticulate street urchins that not every bald vegan is named ‘moby’.

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