~ is mr. bin laden trying to impress someone with his unfashionable lateness, co-opting the idea which mr. haggard had already informed us, twenty years previously?

  “the u.s. government will lead the american people in…into an unbearable hell and a choking life.”
    -osama bin laden, 2001

  “are we rollin’ downhill like a snowball headed for hell?”
    -merle haggard, 1981

~ perhaps it should also be noted here that mr. haggard has been named ‘man of the year’ for bakersfield, california, while mr. bin laden lost his chance at time magazine’s version of that title to the fascist mayor of new york city.

~ the new viewing platform is open for pissants who need to gawk at the wreckage of the world trade center; it is doubtlessly wide enough to enable all of them to pose for photographs in front of the wreckage, and certainly there is a booth for “my parents went to the smoldering ruins of the world trade center and all i got was this lousy t-shirt” t-shirts. we wish that all of the people coming here to enjoy the ruins – who will go back to their offices and garages and lounges and regale their coworkers with the highlight of their trip having been seeing a corpse pulled from the debris – would stay home and entertain themselves by looking at train wrecks and freeway pile-ups and rotten.com; actually, we wish they would all be involved in train wrecks and freeway pile-ups…and be featured on rotten.

~ dear f.b.i.

you no doubt expect a big round of applause now that u.s. marshals have arrested mr. waagner on suspicion of mailing ‘fake anthrax letters’. however, i have an idea: try catching the folks who sent the real ones.
thanks,

-the angry red planet

~ dear george w bush,

please go back on television and ask each american child to donate $1, but this time let’s send the $1.5 million that is raised to the kids in this country (the united states of america) who don’t have enough to eat. thanks.

-the angry red planet

~ from the angry red planet outbox:

To: “kron” < xxxxx@xxxxxx.xxxx >
Subject: Re: wtf!!!

At 11:24 AM 12/4/2001, you wrote:
> ‘Lindh said would like to hug his son and kick his butt
> for not getting permission to go to Afghanistan.’
>
> are we supposed to feel touched that this family has
> found their lost bastard son? sure he turned out to have

> been hanging out with obladen, but at least he is ok,
> now lets just let the [family] reunite and be cool.

i’m pretty sure that there are a lot of
 yemeni and arab kids in afghanistan who’d
  like to just get off with just a
 ‘kick in the butt’ right now

but i wager the u.s. special forces
 don’t take it so easily on them…

-saucemaster

* may have been edited in retransmission

~ well, since some shoppers were killed, the israelis have blown up a couple of yasser arafat’s helicopters and shot some missles into the barracks of his guards. what an inspirational solution. we bet there won’t be any more suicide attacks now!

~ by the way, ‘ginger’, or ‘it’, is a huge disappointment, as is any invention short of a personal teleportation device.

~ disturbing: uprising suppressed vs. prisoners massacred. we know those northern alliance tools like to shoot an unarmed person on the slightest pretense. on the other hand, fighting these taliban & co. guys must be like fighting zombies: “holdouts hiding among the dead shot two workers from the local health ministry”. no matter how you handle or destroy them, when you turn around, they are there to hypnotize you and eat your brains.

~ disgusting: hillary clinton vying with laura bush over the ‘plight of the afghan woman’ spotlight. it would have been more helpful for many woman if hillary had spoken up five years ago, or at least mentioned her deep concerns to her husband. in any event, if there is a path to glory, the ladies at rawa [w] will be far ahead of both of you.

~ disturbing: uprising suppressed vs. prisoners massacred. we know those northern alliance tools like to shoot an unarmed person on the slightest pretense. on the other hand, fighting these taliban & co. guys must be like fighting zombies: “holdouts hiding among the dead shot two workers from the local health ministry”. no matter how you handle or destroy them, when you turn around, they are there to hypnotize you and eat your brains.

~ disgusting: hillary clinton vying with laura bush over the ‘plight of the afghan woman’ spotlight. it would have been more helpful for many woman if hillary had spoken up five years ago, or at least mentioned her deep concerns to her husband. in any evet, if there is a path to glory, the ladies at rawa [w] will be far ahead of both of you.

~ the angry red planet offices are reopened after the u.s. staff was given the week off for thanksgiving arrangements. we return to find this missive:

“You would be beaten if you did not grow your beard or if you walked down the street with your head uncovered. The problem with the Taleban is they treated you like you were a woman.”
-Merwis Shakar

brilliant. how liberating to have the northern alliance arrive in your town; after all, you certainly wouldn’t want to be treated like a woman.

~ brother’s keeper 12″ out in march from jawk records

“Greeted by cheering residents, opposition fighters captured Afghanistan’s capital, Kabul, in defiance of international pressure to stay out…”

“Israel said its forces would remain in two Palestinian-ruled West Bank areas despite a demand by the five permanent members of the United Nations Security Council for a pullout.”

at least the civilians in one city are cheering…