~ we always thought the day clint eastwood died was the worst of our lives, but…

The Walt Disney Company has agreed to purchase Marvel Entertainment, Inc. and its portfolio of 5,0000 characters in a stock and cash transaction worth $4 Billion. –cbr

Survey: Average gamer is 35, fat and depressed

~ probably the coolest idea you’ll hear all week:

He has described the show as “Deadwood meets The Sopranos in space”

becomes the most ridiculous when you learn that the ‘he’ is george lucas, the guy who put prairie dog reaction shots in an indiana jones movie, and that ‘the show’ is a ‘star wars’ (the space opera films with fart jokes and an 8 year old darth vader yelling ‘yippee!’) television series. you have to wonder if the guy has hbo delivering some expurgated versions of their series to his ranch; are we really expected to believe that the same guy who edited out han’s murder of greedo and crafted such dialog as ‘you-sa in big doo-doo dis time!’ is truly inspired by beheadings, the use of ‘cunt’ in polite conversation, eye gougings, prostitutes, and anything that comes out of al swearengen’s mouth? we don’t have to know what ‘the jonas brothers’ are to guess that lucas’s show will have more in common with them than with trixie the whore.

~ ha! finally the losers searching for nude muslim men have been overrun by those suckers who came here looking for pirate snipers. we reckon that most internet browsers want to see photos of snipers shooting at pirate ships, but we imagine that muslim men’s naked bodies look a lot like xians’ and jews’. anyway, we hope you all find what you need!

~

“Our prayers have been answered on this Easter Sunday,” [some guy regarding the rescue of that captain kidnapped by pirates]

it would have ruined the element of surprise, but the navy should have flipped on their loudspeaker and told the pirates, ‘hey, easter is coming up in a couple of days, and americans fucking love feel good stories on religious and commercial holidays. they eat that shit up. it shores their beliefs that there is an order the universe follows. so unless you want to give up now, we are going to snipe you on easter sunday, for america.’

~ in the dark days of our ‘lost months’ abroad last year, we tried to explain to our host how the united states was ‘better’ than sweden. news from the horn of africa sums it up more vividly than bickering over the cleanliness of local buses:

The first pirate attack in more than 200 years against a U.S.-flagged vessel off Africa led to a tense standoff Wednesday after a crew of Americans retook control of the ship and the hijackers fled into a lifeboat.

if it had been a swedish-flagged ship, they would have given the pirates amnesty and free condos in stockholm. fact.

~ in the tradition of warning our american readers away from awful experiences: unless it is midnight, and you have to visit a chain store, or you are on a road trip, perhaps to florida, you won’t be forced to make do with ‘deli’ hummus, but when it happens, stay the fuck away from ‘athenos neo classic’ hummus; we were drawn in by the awesome name, before the first bite induced a gag reflex. it is the worst food we have tasted since sampling salted licorice (in sweden). terrible. try to find sabra’s hummus or the one that has a photo of brooklyn on the label.

“If we didn”t have marijuana, what would this county be like?” said Sligh. “I think we”d all be selling Amway. I mean what else are we going to do?”
–msnbc

1. build a house?
2. paint a self-portrait?

we are stumped!

~ to the hundreds of people being interviewed or providing commentary on npr – and likely elsewhere – today, the first indonesian president taking the oath to be a president of the united states is a historic, not ‘an historic’ event.

~ an acquaintance who knows of our erstwhile penchant for desperate postings and even more desperate perusals of various cities’ craigslist missed connections sent us the following link, presumably to aid in our pathetic endeavours:

“Missed Connections coast to coast” [w]

here is an edited version of our furious response:

that’s interesting!
i’m surprised that trader joe’s or whole foods didn’t show up.

with that sort of winner-take-all plurality, though, i think you would be mistaken to use this as a guide to find a place where you are most likely to get mc’d. i mean, if there were 20 mc’s in your city, and 2 were at wawa while the other 18 were at various individual coffee shops, very small array would plaster ‘wawa’ on that map, which would mislead you in to thinking that the majority of mc’s are at one place. they should have a bar graph with various locations per city/state, or one of those maps that came out post-election where the republican and democratic areas of the nation were displayed as blobs of red and blue that were sized according to voter representation instead of geography. hmm, i do ponder other issues than missed connections.

like this, but for posts about guys on blue bikes:

the style of our page is missing today in honour of ‘css naked day’ [w], which is a corny name for a fun idea: the promotion of web standards. there are multiple atrophied areas of this site that will keep their css for the day, but no one ever looks at them anyway.