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are you shitting us! seriously the best thing you’ve seen in the past 10 years is jennifer anniston aniston? what was the best meal you ate, kraft singles on wonder bread whilst watering your azaleas? it’s garbage like ‘people’ that causes us to take comfort in melting ice caps drowning us all. brad pitt is ‘better’ for his work in new orleans alone, but since your rag only covers entertainment fluff, here is the best of mainstream, mostly american culture of the past decade:
‘deadwood’
‘alias’ (not the tv series)
‘the argument’
‘the assassination of richard nixon’
‘brokeback mountain’
‘children of men’
‘collapse’
‘daredevil’ – bendis/maleev run
‘in bruges’
‘in rainbows’
‘the life pursuit’
‘lost in translation’
‘new x-men’ – grant morrison run
‘no country..’ (film) or ‘o, brother..’ we can’t decide
‘plats’
‘primer’
‘there will be blood’
‘the wrestler’
‘y: the last man’
~ as if our recent blood disorder wasn’t enough to contend with, now we have two other concerns to cause us to fret:
‘A southern Illinois woman died after being severely burned in a flash fire while undergoing surgery, a rare but vexing dilemma in operating rooms.
Surgical flash fires …occur an estimated 550 to 600 times a year…’
and
‘Doctors say a North Carolina man who was plagued with coughing fits should be OK now that they have removed a 1-inch piece of plastic from his lung, where it had rested since he apparently inhaled it nearly two years ago while sucking down a soft drink at a Wendy’s restaurant.’
we didn’t sleep last night as we were afeared of bursting into flames on an operating table whilst having a nekot wrapper removed from our lungs, but this morning we learned that we are of the people who will be dead in 12 minutes anyway, long before we could ever afford to enter a hospital:
‘Nearly 45,000 people die in the United States each year — one every 12 minutes — in large part because they lack health insurance and can not get good care, Harvard Medical School researchers…’
~ if there are any vegans left after reading our late lamentations over missing quality vegan junk foods, they might find themselves picking up cases of soy protein powder at pic ‘n’ save for pennies on the dollar without knowing what to do with it. we’ve done the research and can warn the reader to avoid mixing the powder with the following drinks/foods:
soy milk
oatmeal
‘vitamin water 10’
greens (turnip, collards, etc)
coffee
‘holly nog’
brown rice
‘marmite’
peanut butter.
low budget soy protein only works with equally crummy ‘organic water plus’. if your lifestyle is so fancy as to include orange juice, that works as well.
~ now that we have heart disease, we are attempting to limit ourselves to a 2,030 calorie daily diet. trying to follow recommended serving sizes, and being hungry for two weeks straight, we wonder how the hell people survive on this. is everyone in the united states starving all the time, or are portions of ‘6 brussels sprouts’ and ‘1/4cup of raisins’ somehow sating everyone but us? either everybody suffers consistent hunger pangs, or americans are cheating on the absurd portion of ‘3/4 cup of pasta’ – that’s like 10 fusilli! are the nutritionists at the fda or whoever is in charge using dwarves or hobbits to determine servings, or are we doing something wrong? it doesn’t make any sense.
we are reminded of a theory that we once read about europeans in the middle ages being malnourished for hundreds of years; they had never known what it was to be full, so they just figured constant hunger was how they were supposed to feel, just like we will, until our heart craps out, any day now.
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~ today we are using this hideous layout because our usual theme, proust, seems to be incompatible with the earth hour countdown bar thing at the top of this page. unplug your vampyre applyances and lift a candle in honour of our missing background-image tonight.
~ seeing the purchases of the soon-to-be-sorry sap in front of us last night, tj’s has the nerve to still offer ‘home browns‘ as they cancel pasta w/ flax and those refried black beans and that ‘hi-protein crunch’ stuff. i know that they keep things based on popularity; why would people buy frozen oatmeal whilst letting blister peanuts disappear? ‘has the whole world gone crazy?’
~ a historically sad day for our country:
“…At this time the Pasta With Flax has been discontinued due to slow sales in all of our stores. This product was specifically produced for Trader Joe’s and is no longer being manufactured…”
