since i dont post any interesting social phenomena on my site, and you are the
only person whose email address i have, here is my story:

last night at 20:30 a knock was heard on the door at quillian. upon looking through the front curtains it was ascertained that ‘crystalinia’, the neighbour kid, was indeed standing on the stoop. the door was opened a crack with only the occupants face, right shoulder, and right knee visible. ‘do you want to buy a ticket?’ ‘to what?’ ‘for a gift certificate to walmart.’ ‘how much?’ ‘$1.”stand by, the cats are trying to get out.’ the man stepped out the front door after fending off 2 to 4 eager kitties. ‘ok, all i have is a dollar.’ ‘ok, you need to write your name and address on this end and then rip it off and then you keep this end.’ ‘ok, let me get a pen.’ beginning to sense a dissatisfaction equal to more than being shook down for a dollar and feigning enthusiasm for free walmoney, the man decides to pose the query as to the charitable function of this transaction. he returns with his pen and banters with the lass. ‘what is this for anyway?’ ‘see on the ticket?’ (reads: mitchell family reunion)
‘this is for your family reunion?’ ‘yes, we are going to hawaii.’

moral: the sociological research aspect of this transaction was worth the $1 cash. but more valuable is the chuckle the man gets when he reads the rest of the ticket (reads: first prize: $100, second prize: $50) which shows that these people have to sell 150 tickets just to buy the prizes, not to mention the additional few thousand tickets to get their family’s ass to hawaii. ‘they are going to feel pretty foolish when they realize the futility of their plan. but then again, that girl did just stroll off carrying my dollar.’

prologue: when those kids on the offramp of glenwood from i20 have the audacity to tell you they are selling krispykremes so their basketball team can go to disneyworld, they arent fucking kidding!!! at least they didnt shill you out of some scratch at your own front door.

— john
iugis labor ad iugis opus
the workgroup:// www.sisyphean.com
ft ground publications:// www.insidethecastle.org

~ our time these days has been duopolized by the marquis project at sisyphean and by postbaroque. not to say that there is a staggering production of work in these other arenas, for most of that time has been invested in the part of the process known as ‘staring vacantly at the wall’ or ‘weeping quietly over drafting board’ or ‘seeking clarity in escape’. no one gives a shit about postbaroque, but one can read more about the marquis project at toastmaster’s grounds [w] and see the project proper at sisyphean [w].

~ for filler, we have stolen from sisyphean the end-of-the-month ritual of posting the search terms that lead newcomers to the angry red planet. whereas queries on perry kulper’s architecture and the crowmaker are of interest to the work.group fans, the visitors here seem to have more prurient and/or angry thoughts:

angry red planet : 7.3 %
the angry red planet : 4.2 %
men porno : 3.6 %
nude muslim : 3.6 %
coy howard : 1.5 %
muslim nude : 1.5 %
comic book reader .cbr .cbz : 1.2 %
fahrenheit 911 bittorrent : 1.2 %
fuck condoleeza : 1.2 %
nude muslims : 0.9 %

continue reading…

~ we aren’t about to pull that ‘going green’ shit that some of y’all might remember from four years ago, for reasons not least of which is that ralph nader [w] has not been nominated by the green party [w], but if any of you question whether we are any less smitten by the man, your answer will be given by this bit of wordsmithery:

Plunging our nation into war on what is now a very well-documented platform of fabrications, deceptions and prevarications, to me, rises to the level of a high crime and misdemeanor, and warrants impeachment proceedings to be initiated in the House of Representatives. It’s hard to conceive of a more capable candidate for the invocation of the impeachment authority reposited in Congress by our Founding Fathers. -ralph nader

~ at the time of our latest inventory, we have noted eight (8) empty salsa jars in the office refrigerator.

~ we were pretty excited to hear that the leading candidate in south dakota’s u.s. representative election is a 33-year old woman from the democratic party, as we thought it might be interesting to have some fresh ideas from a congressperson who isn’t an old fuck. however, she has stated her support for the war in iraq and the patriot act. it was fun while it lasted.

~ the new myebay layout is candyassed and quite lame. we just want to quickly reload the list of flea remedies that we are monitoring, not wait for nu-icons of flags and soccer balls.

~ we raise our tea in toast to all those folks getting hitched in massachusetts today; let’s hope that we don’t have to wait until brown vs. board’s 100th anniversary to celebrate the day that a constitutional amendment protecting the right of all people to marry is ratified.

~ the ‘u scan it’ line at the corporate supermarket is not meant to be some kind of adventure. it is also not intended to give you an opportunity to display your inability to interpret the phrase ‘1 to 15 items’. it is meant for those of us who want to spend as little time as possible amongst the shelves of low-carb pasta and hi-carb snickers; we just ask to purchase our apples, butter beans, and silk, and to leave for homes and lives with little interruption. if playing with the scanner is the best entertainment that can bring you from your nest of doritos, miller lite, and ‘american idol’, or if you think that ’15’ is english for ’50’, then you are not capable of using the ‘u scan it’; you need to go to the line where there is someone to hold your hand.

~ how many americans today had to watch their cassettes of prince’s ‘dirty mind’ be destroyed on the trial run of their new tape deck? the answer is probably the same number that swallowed hard a lunch too unnatural to be named.

~ possible topic for xyz article #2:
when drinking vanilla soy milk that has spoiled in the mississippi sun, one detects a minty flavor.

~ now, the task before us is to have the remainder of the pledge of allegiance to be declared unconstitutional.

~ overheard while prone on the concrete floor, with both arms under the $1800 wine cooler: “even a menial laborer can surmise from your log that you have no interest in bloggers.’

~ as if it were not surmised by the lack of updates, all of the angry red planet staff spent the holidays – well, one of them – in georgia again. with the slightest pretext, the trip was turned into a road trip, albeit one extremely limited in focus due to the extra care that needed to be given to one of the inhabitants of the ford ranger which was hired from a firm philadelphia – the ‘birthplace of freedom’, if nothing else – to serve as our transportation. upon the arrival to the outer rim of the settlements, the trip was immediately regretted. atlanta has become an unsightly behemoth; none of the aspects of the town of which we have memories from growing up there seem to have survived. the air is dirtier than any city we have seen, including l.a. and houston; comments on this are answered by ‘it’s because it hasn’t rained’, as though it is nature’s responsibility to clean up the air ruined by suvs idling in the 2nd longest commuting time in the nation. lake lanier’s shoreline is shrinking because there are too many people taking the water than the rivers can sustain; atlanta will soon learn that they can’t drain the water from someplace else like los angeles does, as the ‘someplaces’ are alabama, tennessee, and florida, some of whom already have engaged in litigation against atlanta. the most regrettable fact is that, as Atlanta follows the sprawling model of l.a., it does so without learning from any of the hot mistakes that were made. while it was amusing, even endearing, to see the nightmares of los angeles while living there, it is another thing altogether to see them come about in our hometown.

~ this new year’s eve is to begin by deciding whether or not the violence in ‘black hawk down’ is celebratory jingoism or a repulsive, anti-war display – or a way to line movie industry pockets(?). this shall be followed by a ‘terrorist-defying’ visit to times square for the ball-dropping, or a more traditional retirement to sleep before midnight.

~ happy new year!

~ from aim:

terra cimmeria: ‘why can’t we talk about unix?’
xxxxxxx: ‘aren’t those men who’ve been castrated?’
connection closed

~ always searching for new talent, from the ground publications [w] has uncovered another satirical diaryland gem.

~ with most of the staff gone for father’s day weekend, the offices at the angry red planet have been empty, yet busy:

~ the remaining staff took a break from the work and engaged in a session of dérives along henry hudson parkway which ended with an reminder of the distinction between rain in los angeles and rain on the east coast. next time, we can be more well-prepared, but no less ill-equipped.

~ the usual excitement over the bus trip to new jersey for home furnishings ended in the usual disillusionment and distaste upon viewing of the aforementioned home furnishings. minor crises of faith coupled with righteous indignation led to resignation, compromise, and, finally, physical submission.

~ a less demoralizing visit was made to the local bookshop, where we have been provided – at our own expense – with kindling for our continued summer of worklessness.