New Yorkers rally to help online romeo

NEW YORK (Reuters) – A tale of online love inspired usually cynical New Yorkers this week to help a young man find the girl of his dreams after he spotted her on a crowded subway train.

etc, etc. the article goes on to say that a hipster in brooklyn saw his ‘dream girl’ on the train, and he went home and set up a website asking for her to call him. essentially this is another article that puffs up any bullshit that happened in nyc to be more important than bullshit in all other places. some of us have been posting missed connections, real and fake, for four or five years now, so we know intimately what type of horse’s ass would set up a cute website about a ‘dream girl’ he saw for 2 minutes, without knowing anything that is on her mind.

unless his ‘dream girl’ was writing (in french) about quasars in her journal, was wearing an ‘ambush bug’ hoodie, had soy dream on her chin, and sported a tattoo of chaucer, it is clear that this guy does not know jack shit about this girl; we doubt that he could honestly say anything more on his site than, ‘you’re, like, hot’. we loathe farcical mc’s!

~ also, over more than 4 years of inattention, we finally updated all of our posts, in the past made through various means and formats, to meet the same schema. you may now find the first three years, 2000-2003 fully tagged and searchable.

~ we don’t like to write about new york city, as plenty of myopic sycophants already have covered that task, but we can’t miss an opportunity to scoff when it is down. ‘only in new york’, is a tired lie, that nonetheless actually and unbelievably passes the lips of people standing in its streets, but let’s hope they appreciate the social and physical framework they have built and named a city where one homeless person trying to stay warm can cripple a transportation system for over 500,000 people for the next five years. well done, friend; we’d like to buy you some absolute bagels.

~ we will be out of town for the anniversary that occurs tomorrow. though it is still not time to see it pass without acknowledgment, we find that the prospects for our country’s political future are too dire to allow for detached melancholy at this time. so instead we will share with you a figurative image which for us has been a warm memory for the past three years, one of the few we can still remember as an unqualified pride in america:

you are in an impromptu blood donor line on the plaza before new york’s city hall, waiting with the only other b-pos blood donors, a black man and an indian woman. the man asks asks, “where are the cameras now?” as you gaze across the plaza and see helmeted construction workers helping doctors and nurses climb into the back of a scorched dump truck, preparing to drive back to the world trade center. silently, you are pleased that there are no cameras.

~ we have been trying for ten (10) days to wish you a happy black history month (despite our distrust of institutionalized factionalism) and to inform you that updates to this log will cease immediately and indefinitely for reasons both personal and professional. in the past three years, we have made this claim a few times, and, as evidenced by the fact that you are reading this, we have never gone through with it.
on the other hand, we have repeatedly returned after a week of silence to mumble that we will be updating more often, only to disappear for a few more weeks. so, for once, in the name of consistency, we are declaring a policy of silence and we are intending to enforce it upon ourselves. we feel that this policy will be in effect for as long, at least, as our new york offices remain open, but the change could be permanent. check back in a couple days, just in case.

~ before we go, we hope to see many of you, new yorkers and oakies alike, at the march or demonstration or whatever ends up happening in manhattan this saturday. details: http://www.unitedforpeace.org [w]

~ those with neil morris mp3s should now contact us with your soulseek [w] user name so that we may duplicate your files on our local machines.

~ research has revealed that cordless phone conversations in the density of harlem are effortlessly received by neighbors with cordless headphones.

~ we are grateful and excited about that 4% increase in income for next year that our president has promised to us; we are looking forward to a dinner of 4% more canned beans.

~ we hate you:

“that is so new york”
“you go, ….!”
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~ we have not determined which is more disturbing: the mysterious arrival of an unsolicited copy of henry miller’s ‘quiet days in clichy’ in our mail room or the simultaneous arrival of an equally unexpected copy of george foreman’s ‘george foreman’s knock-out-the-fat’ cookbook.

~ our readers who nobly serve in the fdny should consider removing the tattered, smog-stained flags that you have been dragging behind your trucks for the past 16 months – unless, of course, it is your intention to desecrate your national banner.

~ the latest issue of ‘tangled web’, ’twas the fight before christmas’, is a hollow, disgraceful attempt to repeat the formula that brought acclaim to last year’s ‘open all night’. regardless, some in our office have indicated that they would like to make the acquaintance
of the young lady who works as santa’s elf – hopefully before johnny storm puts any more moves on her.

~ we were pretty relieved when the danger status was turned down to yellow this week, but the recent headlines from the cote d’ivoire have left us feeling unsure of our protectors at the pentagon: “French troops save American children held in Ivory Coast”. We understand that the USMC was busy ‘training’ in djibouti, and the USN was occupied with that los angeleno stranded off costa rica, but weren’t there just a few members of delta force who are not in a north carolina prison for killing their wives to whom you could have loaded onto some john deeres? at least, suffer us not the humiliation of having french troops save american consumers in manhattan.

~ parents of west harlem: please inform your inarticulate street urchins that not every bald vegan is named ‘moby’.

~ yoda means even more to west harlem than we originally suspected. he has a candle shrine behind the bus stop in front of c-town, a candle-and-poster shrine in front of papa john’s, and a candle-champagne-alize shrine in front of the 112th street liquor store.

~ to those who proclaim the adage that humans are the only animals who will eat rotten food, rest assured that we will maintain this prestige, for our agents stand ready to devour a dinner of two snowball-resembling oranges with vigor. “puny humans!” -the hulk

~ in the yard of an 8th avenue tenement, the name of the jedi master yoda is spelled with flowers. taped to the corner of the derelict building at 118th and manhattan avenue, a 24″x36″ sheet of poster board – endorsed in sharpie by all of his ‘homies’ – implores yoda to ‘r.i.p.’. be sure to pour some beverage on the pavement for the little green master.